The ‘black sheep’ of the family

The so called ‘black sheep’ of the family, are in fact seekers of liberation roads for the family tree.

Those members of the tree who do not adapt to the rules or traditions of the family system.

Those who are constantly seeking to revolutionise beliefs go in in contrast to roads marked by Family traditions.

Those criticised tried and even rejected.

Those, by general, they are called to release the tree of repetitive stories that frustrate entire generations,

The ‘black sheep’, those who do not adapt, those who scream, rebel, repel, detoxify and create new and blooming branch…….countless unfulfilled desires, unfulfilled dreams, frustrated talents of our ancestors manifest themselves in their rebellion, looking to take place.

The family tree, by inertia, will want to continue to maintain the castrating and toxic corpse of its trunk, which makes its task difficult and conflicting…..., that no one makes you doubt, take care of your rarity as the most precious flower of your tree.

You are the tree of your ancestors.

 Bert Hellinger

What does this mean in practice? In a family?

Bert Hellinger was a German psychotherapist who developed Family Constellations, a way of looking at the hidden dynamics that run through families across generations. His work suggests that patterns, beliefs, and unresolved pain don't just affect one person, they ripple down through the family tree.

The 'black sheep' is a familiar term. Most families have one, the person who doesn't quite fit, who questions things others accept, who makes choices that raise eyebrows or cause conflict. They might be seen as difficult, rebellious, or the one who 'went their own way'.

But Hellinger offers a different perspective. What if the black sheep isn't the problem, but the solution?

Families develop rules and patterns over time, ways of being, things that are acceptable, things that aren't spoken about. These get passed down, often unconsciously. Some of these patterns are helpful. Others are limiting, painful, or simply no longer relevant. But families tend to resist change. There's a kind of gravitational pull towards keeping things as they've always been.

The black sheep is often the one who feels this tension most acutely. They're the family member who can't ignore what isn't working, even when it would be easier to go along with things. Their 'rebellion' might actually be an attempt to break patterns that have quietly constrained the family for generations, unfulfilled dreams, unexpressed emotions, roles that no longer serve anyone.

This doesn't make it easy. Challenging family norms can be lonely and painful. The black sheep often carries criticism, rejection, or a sense of not belonging. But Hellinger's message is one of reframing: what feels like not fitting in might actually be a form of liberation, not just for you, but for those who come after.

If you've ever felt like the odd one out in your family, it might be worth asking: what am I carrying? And what am I trying to change?